Rights & Duties: Engagement And Marriage ll

What is marriage?    People of all times view marriage as an honorable bond between man and woman

What is marriage?

   People of all times view marriage as an honorable bond between man and woman but in Islam it is viewed as the most sacred bond of all.  Qur’an describes marriage as a (Strong Covenant): ‘’But if you want to replace one wife with another and you have given one of them a great amount [in gifts], do not take [back] from it anything. Would you take it in injustice and manifest sin? And how could you take it while you have gone in unto each other and they have taken from you a solemn covenant?’’ [Quran.com/4/20:21].

Why we get married?

   In Islam marriage is built on love, mercy and compassion between husband and wife and aims for establishing a happy Muslim household and a healthy environment to bring up children in.  We see this in Qur’an : And one of His signs is that He created mates for you from yourselves that you may find rest in them, and He put between you love and compassion; most surely there are signs in this for a people who reflect.”  [Quran.com/30/21].

  The Qur’an describes husbands and wives in this way: ” They are clothing for you and you are clothing for them” [Quran.com/2/187].  clothing, used as a metaphor in this verse, gives a person warmth, protection, comfort, and decency.  Ideally, this is what a husband and wife offer each other. 

Rights and duties of spouses:

  Islam has enjoined upon both husband and wife duties towards each other, some are shared by both of them and others are individual.  The shared duties as mentioned before: love, mercy, compassion, respect, sincerity, preserving the privacy and secrets of each other while married or divorced and refraining from toying with divorce or the threat with divorce.

A Muslim wife has financial and non-financial rights on her husband that are ordained by Allah(God) and His Messenger Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him).  

Financial rights of a Muslim wife:

  1. Mahr (dowry): It is a right which the man is obliged to pay to the woman.  This is money the wife is entitled to from her husband when the marriage contract is completed or when the marriage is consummated.  Allah says: “And give the women [upon marriage] their [bridal] gifts graciously. But if they give up willingly to you anything of it, then take it in satisfaction and ease.” [Quran.com/4/4].  Mahr is not a condition or an essential part of the marriage-contract, according to the majority of Muslim scholars; rather it is one of the consequences of the contract.
  2. Providing for the wife and children: It is obligatory for a husband to spend on his wife, This spending on the wife and children is according to his means: “Let a man of wealth spend from his wealth, and he whose provision is restricted – let him spend from what Allah has given him. Allah does not charge a soul except [according to] what He has given it. Allah will bring about, after hardship, ease.”  [Quran.com/65/7].
  3. Residence: A husband should prepare for his wife accommodation according to his means and ability.  Allah says: “Lodge them [in a section] of where you dwell out of your means and do not harm them in order to oppress them.” [Quran.com/65/6]
  4. While the wife has a separate financial affair (inheritance or earnings); the husband has no right or control over her finances, she shares him his fortune as he is required to provide for the wife and children.  In case of poverty of the husband, a wife’s financial contribution is considered (in Islam) as charity.
  5. A wife has the right to work in Islam: The basic principle is that a woman should remain at home and take care of the children, and don’t go out except for necessary purposes.  Allah says : “And abide in your houses and do not display yourselves as [was] the display of the former times of ignorance. ” [Quran.com/33/33].

     For her to work outside home, this is controlled by some regulations to insure no prohibited acts are committed for example.

  • That she needs to work in order to acquire the money she needs.
  • The work should be suited to the nature of woman.
  • Whilst at work she should observe complete shar’i hijab(woman islamic wear).
  • The work place should be in a safe and there shouldn’t be unnecessary mixing with non-mahram(foreign men).
  • Her work should not lead to her travelling without a mahram (man whom she is never permitted to marry) or unsafe in any way.  
  • That should not lead to her neglecting things that are more important for her, such as looking after her house, husband and children. 

Non-financial rights of a Muslim wife:

  1. Honoring and kind treatment: A husband must have a good attitude towards his wife and be kind to her, and offer her everything that may soften her heart towards him, because Allaah says: “ And live with them in kindness.” [Quran.com/4/19], and  “And due to the wives is similar to what is expected of them, according to what is reasonable. But the men have a degree over them [in responsibility and authority]. And Allah is Exalted in Might and Wise.” [Quran.com/2/228].

  2. Not harming one’s wife: This is one of the basic principles of Islam. Because harming others is prohibited (in case of strangers), it is even so more emphasized on its prohibition in case of harming one’s wife.  The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) ruled:  “There should be neither harming nor reciprocating harm.” [Sunan Ibn Majah].

  3. Good conduct and behavior: It is necessary towards everyone, but The Messenger of Allah has singled out womenfolk emphatically with the term of “wasiyat” which everyone grants great importance and significance to (This is sufficient to explain the importance of kindness to women).

The Messenger of Allah(PBUH) said: “I enjoin upon you the importance of good conduct to your womenfolk”

The husband is entrusted to take care of his wife and to fear His Creator in regard to his dealing with her as Allah(God) has placed her in his trust, by making her lawful for him through the sacred bond of “Nikah” (marriage).  The Prophet (PBUH) said: “The best of you is the one who is best to his wife, and I am the best of you to my wives.” [Sunan Ibn Majah].  For more details¹

Rights of a Muslim husband over his wife:

  Allaah says: “ And due to the wives is similar to what is expected of them, according to what is reasonable. But the men have a degree over them [in responsibility and authority]. And Allah is Exalted in Might and Wise.” [Quran.com/2/228].

So, what are those rights?   These rights are:

  1. The obligation of obedience: Allah has given the husband Qawamah (protector and maintainer) of the wife which is commanding, directing and taking care of her, just as guardians take care of their charges, by virtue that Allah has given only to men and the financial obligations that He has enjoined upon them.  Allah says: “ Men are in charge of women by [right of] what Allah has given one over the other and what they spend [for maintenance] from their wealth.” [Quran.com/4/34].
  1. Making herself available to her husband if he asks her unless she has a valid Shar’I (religious) excuse such as menses, obligatory fasting, sickness, etc.  If a wife refuses to respond to her husband’s request for intercourse, she has done something prohibited and has committed a major sin.  The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said:  “When a man calls his wife to come to his bed and she refuses and does not come to him and he spends the night angry, the angels curse her till the morning.”  [Sunan Abi Dawud]
  1. Not going out of the house except with the husband’s permission:  The Shaafa’is and Hanbalis (Muslim scholars) said: she does not have the right to visit (even) her sick father except with the permission of her husband, and he has the right to prevent her from doing that… because obedience to the husband is obligatory, and it is not permitted to neglect an obligatory action for something that is not obligatory (visiting the sick is a recommended act).

4.Not permitting anyone whom the husband dislikes to enter his house:  The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said: “It is not allowable for a woman to keep (voluntary) fast when her husband is present without his permission, and she may not allow anyone to enter his house without his permission.” [Sunan Abi Dawud]

  1. The wife should treat her husband in a good manner and be pleasing to him, because Allah says: “And due to the wives is similar to what is expected of them, according to what is reasonable. But the men have a degree over them [in responsibility and authority]. And Allah is Exalted in Might and Wise”. [Quran.com/2/228].

this means that they are obliged to give good companionship and kind and reasonable treatment to their husbands just as they are obliged to obey their commands.

  1. Discipline:  This is a major issue.  The husband has the right to discipline his wife if she disobeys him in something good and not if she disobeys him in something sinful, because Allah has enjoined disciplining women by first, advice, counseling and warning against Allah’s punishment then, forsaking them in bed and the last resort is  by hitting her (poking her with something like a tooth brush sewak” without hurting or hitting on face or causing actual pain), when she does not obey.

The Hanafis (Muslim scholars) mentioned four situations in which a husband is permitted to discipline his wife by hitting her (poking her with something like a tooth brush…).  

These are:

  • Not adorning herself when he wants her to.
  • Not responding when he calls her to bed and she is taahirah (pure, i.e., not menstruating)
  • Not praying.
  • Going out of the house without his permission.

The evidence that it is permissible to discipline one’s wife is in Quran: “ But those [wives] from whom you fear arrogance – [first] advise them; [then if they persist], forsake them in bed; and [finally], strike them. But if they obey you [once more], seek no means against them. Indeed, Allah is ever Exalted and Grand.” [Quran.com/4/34].           

“O you who have believed, protect yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is people and stones”  [Quran.com/66/6].

   It is the view of Muslim scholars that a husband is obliged to direct his wife and family members to that which Allah has enjoined upon them and that which Allah has forbidden them, by wisdom and good advice and they are obliged to obey.  For more details²


¹–This link is more elaborate on the subject:  http://www.academia.edu/8510805/Duties_of_Husband_towards_wife_in_Islamic_Laws

²– This is a more detailed account on the matter of disciplining a wife:  http://www.womeninislam.ws/en/misconceptions_wife-discipline.aspx This link is more elaborate on the subject of rights: http://www.alahazrat.net/islam/a-husband-duties-towards-his-wife.php

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About Abeer Eltahan

Abeer El Tahhan is a pediatrician and a Quran and Arabic tutor. Abeer is deeply involved in Islamic studies and dawah activities. She is fluent in Arabic and English.