In an era where misinformation spreads faster than truth, one of the most persistent and damaging myths about Islam is the idea that it permits men to physically harm women.
This question of beating wives in Islam often arises from a specific verse in the Qur’an, sparking heated debates and leading to widespread misconceptions about Islamic teachings on gender relations.
We’re going to discuss this verse and what it means. But let’s make it clear from the beginning that the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH), the ultimate role model in Islam, never struck his wives, nor Can Men Hit Women in Islam?
No, the idea that men are allowed to physically abuse women does not exist in Islam. Islam does not condone domestic violence or the unjust treatment of women. A man who beats his wife or any woman unjustly will be held accountable, because Allah has forbidden injustice for Himself and His creation.
The Quranic Verse in Question
The controversy about men hitting women in Islam often centers on a single Quranic verse:
“…فَالصَّالِحَاتُ قَانِتَاتٌ حَافِظَاتٌ لِّلْغَيْبِ بِمَا حَفِظَ اللَّهُ ۚ وَاللَّاتِي تَخَافُونَ نُشُوزَهُنَّ فَعِظُوهُنَّ وَاهْجُرُوهُنَّ فِي الْمَضَاجِعِ وَاضْرِبُوهُنَّ ۖ فَإِنْ أَطَعْنَكُمْ فَلَا تَبْغُوا عَلَيْهِنَّ سَبِيلًا ۗ إِنَّ اللَّهَ كَانَ عَلِيًّا كَبِيرًا”
“…the righteous women are devoutly obedient (to Allah and to their husbands), and guard in the husband’s absence what Allah orders them to guard (e.g. their chastity, their husband’s property, etc.). As to those women on whose part you see ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (next), refuse to share their beds, (and last) strike them (lightly, if it is useful), but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance). Surely, Allah is Ever Most High, Most Great.” (Quran 4:34).
The word “strike” (daraba ضرب in Arabic) might sound a bit intense at first, but you can’t understand Islamic ethics by looking at single words. To really get the Quran’s message, you have to consider the whole text, the subtle meanings of words, the historical background, and the overall moral goals.
The Concept of Nushuz
The verse talks about a scenario where a wife is persistently rebellious (Nushuz), and it outlines a series of steps a husband can take, culminating in a last resort where striking is mentioned.
This verse is not a carte blanche for husbands to hit their wives whenever they feel like it. It’s not an open permission, as wrongly and falsely claimed by some. Rather, it addresses a very specific situation – a case of extreme marital discord where the wife’s actions threaten to destroy the family. Even then, the Quran prescribes a gradual approach:
- Counseling: The first step is to talk, to try and resolve the issues through dialogue and understanding.
- Separation in bed: If counseling fails, the husband is advised to separate from his wife in bed, as a way of showing his displeasure without resorting to any form of violence.
- Striking as a last resort (with conditions): Only if the first two steps fail, and only if there is serious, prolonged conflict that threatens the very foundation of the family. The word translated as “striking” in this verse is “idribuhunna,” and its interpretation is limited to a symbolic act, not causing harm, pain, or leaving marks.
Early scholars like Ibn Abbas described it as a tap with a miswak (a small toothbrush-sized twig used for cleaning teeth), obviously not something intended to inflict pain.
However, the Prophet’s example and his sayings strongly suggest that avoiding striking altogether is the ideal. (I’ll talk about this in the section after the next one)
Domestic Violence Contradicts the Core Values of the Qur’an
The Quran talks about how marriages that are built on love and mercy are the best kind. A beautiful verse states:
“And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.” (Quran 30:21)
So the purpose of marriage in Islam is to find tranquility and the relationship should be characterized by affection and mercy, not violence or coercion.
Another verse states:
“…And live with them in kindness…” (Quran 4:19)
So, the Quran tells husbands to be nice and respectful to their wives. “Kindness” means a lot of things, like being gentle, understanding, and, most importantly, not hurting them in any way, physically or emotionally.
Furthermore, the Quran describes spouses as “garments” for one another (Quran 2:187). This metaphor illustrates the concept of mutual support, protection, and intimacy between husband and wife.
Even when getting divorced, the Quran says it’s important to separate with graciousness:
“Divorce is twice. Then, either keep [her] in an acceptable manner or release [her] with good treatment.” (Quran 2:229)
Okay, the Quran gives us the guidelines, but how did the Prophet Muhammad put these teachings into practice with his wives? What was his example?
Prophet Muhammad Never Struck His Wives, Nor Any Other Woman
The life of Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) dismantles any justification for violence. He never struck a woman, child, or servant, and he condemned those who did.
It was narrated that Prophet’s wife ‘Aishah (may Allah be pleased with her) said:
“The Messenger of Allah never beat any of his servants, or wives, and his hand never hit anything.” (Sunan Ibn Majah)
Another hadith states:
“Do not beat the female servants of Allah.” (Sunan Ibn Majah)
Another hadith encourages focusing on the positive aspects of one’s wife.
“A believer must not hate his wife. If he dislikes one of her characteristics, he will be pleased with another.” (Sahih Muslim)
The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) exemplified these principles in his own marriages, for example, his marriage to Khadija (may Allah be pleased with her), known for its love even after her death, respect, and mutual support.
‘A’ishah (may Allah be pleased with her) reported:
“Never did I feel jealous of the wives of Allah’s Apostle but in case of Khadija, although I did no, (have the privilege to) see her. She further added that whenever Allah’s Messenger slaughtered a sheep, he said: Send it to the companions of Khadija I annoyed him one day and said: (It is) Khadija only who always prevails upon your mind. Thereupon Allah’s Messenger said: Her love had been nurtured in my heart by Allah Himself.”
The Prophet Muhammad consistently advised men to treat their wives with kindness, compassion, and to fulfill their rights.
The Prophet said:
“The best among you are those who are the best to their wives, and I am the best of you to my wives.” (Sunan Ibn Majah)
Moreover, Prophet Muhammad said in his farewell sermon:
“Fear Allah concerning women! Verily you have taken them on the security of Allah, and intercourse with them has been made lawful unto you by words of Allah.”
Cultural Practices vs. Islamic Teachings
We have to differentiate between Islamic teachings and cultural practices that may exist in some Muslim-majority societies.
Unfortunately, domestic violence exists in all cultures and societies worldwide, and the Muslim world is no exception.
However, attributing these harmful practices to Islam is inaccurate and unfair.
Islam provides a clear framework for a just and compassionate society, including within the family unit. When individuals or communities deviate from these principles, it’s a reflection of their own shortcomings, not a flaw in the religion itself.
That Brings Us to the Conclusion That…
Islam totally forbids domestic violence. The Quran and the Prophet’s teachings encourage kindness, compassion, and respect between spouses. The verse in question needs to be understood in context; it focuses on resolving conflict step-by-step and avoiding physical harm. The true spirit of Islam lies in building harmonious and loving relationships, not in inflicting pain or suffering.
Finally, it’s important to consult reputable scholars and authentic Islamic sources when seeking to understand Islamic teachings. By doing so, you can dispel misconceptions and promote a more accurate understanding of Islam’s emphasis on justice, compassion, and respect for all.
