Being in love is so much like being under magic of a sorcerer, it’s not only that we’re blind, but also it’s almost like worship, sometimes we obey everything our loved ones say, even if it’s against our minds and hearts, even if it’s going to embarrass us, even if it’s going to hurt someone else, we give all types of excuses to make it happen, only to please them.
The 5 common elements in the condition of love
I have known people who are in love and I’ve been in love before, it’s not that people become transgressors when they fall in love for the sake of pleasing their partners, but much like the condition of submission to the will of the partner, they never think twice, it’s like an over dose of trust. I’d like to make them 5 hypothesis we create about the partner once we fall in love:
- Priority: Even prior to our own rest, desires, dreams, and preferences. We can give everything in the condition of love, with no limits, if I’d say ‘our lives has no value any more for the sake of them’ I don’t think I’m exaggerating.
- Complete: Even in their weaknesses, how they get angry is a charm, how they hate some people is a charm, how they yell, how they mannerly misbehave, it’s like we suppose they put everything in its right place.
- Excused: Even if there is something that we’re definitely sure they shouldn’t have done, we’ll find them excuses, so weaknesses aren’t but more reasons to fall even more in love with them.
- Followed: My God! In every word they say, in every intention they make, in every step they take, we sometimes feel like we just wish to guess what they think to make them happy with it, to make their dreams come true and to be at the best shape in their minds. Sometimes we spend hours thinking of their pleasance, what we made wrong to push them away, what we did right to keep them stay.
- Feared: We’re always alarmed for things they dislike and people they hate, even if one of them is a family member or a close friend, it’s like we’re giving them the key for our gate, they choose whom to stay and whom to leave.
I know it might get different from one to another, but amongst those five, most of us do most of them when we fall in love.
Is it culture, or nature?
If it’s me, I’d say it’s culture. Muslim scholars always say that there’s a place for God in the heart, that if God doesn’t occupy, another thing/one will. So if it’s not a human, it’s a thing, a thing that we get to hold the utmost of our loyalty for, and this is something I’ve witnessed. Love might be in this craziness for women and for some men too, but I think men fall more in love with money, success, work, fame, and yes! … they fall in love with ‘lots’ of women too!
Falling in love with the wrong ones Vs. ignoring the right ones
I wonder how people we love the most give us the most greediness sometimes, we love people who only remember our mistakes and forget everything we gave, and vice versa, they remember only good things they did –counting it really close- and forget their mistakes against us.
Falling in love with the wrong person is so repetitive, not only talking about -man to woman- love, but also friend, sibling, and mum’s love for her children, and how much she spends, heart, mind, and body. To our loved ones we give the utmost of our care, the best of our efforts, and the top of our loyalty, tong, heart, and actions.
You know, I just mentioned the 3 elements of worshipping Allah (Creator of heavens and earth):
- Tong: To witness that He’s the One and Only worthy of our worship.
- Heart: To love Him the most (with this type of loyalty that gives Him the key for our gate), and fear no one but Him.
- And Actions: Which can be hidden or in public.
But can we control it?
I’d say: Yes, but it requires practice, and experiments will teach a lot. I admit, I had a long journey of meeting the very wrong people to realize why I must build my love for people upon knowledge and justice,and to be loyal the most for the One who worth my loyalty the most. And this is the journey I started when I asked: Why (and how) should I love Allah and His final Messenger –Muhammad- the most? When I firstly heard this:
“There are three qualities whoever has them, will taste the sweetness of Faith:
- To love Allah and His Messenger more than anyone else;
- To love a person only for (the sake of) Allah;
- And to abhor returning to infidelity after Allah Has saved him from it as he would abhor to be thrown into the fire (of Hell).” Said Muhammad peace be upon him, [Reference: Al-Bukhari and Muslim].
Is following blindly in Islam required for Allah?
Not at all. It’s not about following blindly, but following trustfully after knowing Allah very well. It’s not required from any human to follow upon ignorance. After knowing Him, it’s now to give Him the Loved One Position, this is God’s place in the heart. Meanwhile there’s a peak of knowledge about Allah in our creation, the same peak which make us fall in love with our mums and be merciful to children and weak ones. It is the same peak by which a baby cat knows its way to its mother’s nipple without being taught, and a baby turtle knows its way to the sea and migrate for over 3000 miles.
The acts we do when we fall in love really amazes me, how we do all this to someone we barely knew for few years/months, and sometimes even for few days! It breaks all the chains we think we’re held with when it comes to our loyalty to Allah, the One and Only worthy of it.