Islam guides us to the right path in all our life affairs. Some people may ask what is the ruling of having a boyfriend or a girlfriend. Some claim that cross-gender friendship is fine if it is within the limits. We need first to define friendship, understand the concept of platonic love to know the rulings of cross-gender friendship and know how to deal with this matter and block the evil means related to it.
Here we will learn the following:
Friendship: Different Definition
First, the meaning of friendship may differ from one person to another. It is to share your life secrets with someone. It is to find a peaceful space. It is to share feelings of honesty as the Arabic word Sadeeq (friend) is derived from Sidq which means honesty. I think this is the true essence of friendship. It is a relationship which involves emotions and attachment. This means that no one can befriend someone without sharing feelings of love and attachment.
A Platonic Opposite-sex Friendships!
Platonic love involves deep affection without having romantic or sexual attraction. Yet, it is proven that such kind of relationship is impossible, as one of the parties or maybe both of them will have unspoken romantic feelings for the other. This is our human NATURE!
The Platonic Opposite-sex Friendships: From a Scientific Perspective
Can heterosexual men and women ever be “just friends”? According to scientific studies, platonic opposite-sex friendship is a myth. A male and female naturally are attracted to each other. One of the studies shows that opposite-sex friendships involve sexual attachment in most cases. This proves that there is no pure friendship without feelings of intimacy between both men and women.
Rulings of the Relationship Between Man and Woman in Islam
The relationship between man and woman outside marriage in Islam is impermissible. Some may claim that this ruling curbs the freedoms and sets unbearable restrictions. For them, this is unfair.
Wisdom behind the impermissibility of opposite-sex friendships
We, Muslims, do not need to search for the wisdom behind all the Islamic rulings. We should have total submission. We should accept all the rulings and obey them. We should truly believe that Islam is sent for our wellbeing. Yet, searching for wisdom is a kind of reflection which strengthens our belief that this religion is the TRUTH. This is to protect women from evil and to help men be free from the chains of their whims. It is a system of protection, shelter, purity.
This helps in building a solid society apart from unchastity, illegal relationships, and adultery.
In fact, there is a very important objective in Islam which is to block all the evil ways (Sad-u-adhara’i’). This is to save anyone from knocking on the devil’s door.
Blocking the Evil Means
One of the Islamic objectives is to block evil ways. Allah Almighty, Our Creator, knows what is best for us, so He sets the limits for us to lead a happy balanced life apart from misguidance and unchastity. Thus, whosoever exceeds the limits will cry over spilled milk. Because cross-sex relationships may end with evil results and impermissible acts. Islam forbids any relationship between men and women outside the institution of a lawful marriage. Women can deal with men in schools, colleges, transportation and even markets but with some restrictions. Gender segregation in the public domain is not forbidden if it follows Islamic rulings. It is permissible if women wear hijab, both parties talk properly, lower their gaze and avoid being in a private place with a non-mahram alone.
Marriage and Illegal Relationships
Love outside marriage is a sickness that destroys the heart and leads to evil and immorality. It is the way of the devil to tempt and destroy both parties by pushing them to commit adultery. It is not only harmful to the individual but to the society.
This is because it is associated with many forbidden matters, such as transgressing against the honour of others, staying alone with a member of the opposite sex (Khilwah), touching and kissing, uttering immoral words, then the last stage which is the sin of adultery.
What shall we do?!
Every person bears the responsibility for his actions. Every person has to discipline himself to obey Allah. It is our responsibility to save our hearts to lead a righteous life seeking the Divine path. You should realize that adultery does not only mean to have an illegal sexual intercourse. The eyes may commit adultery, the ears may commit adultery, the hand may commit adultery and the foot may commit adultery. These are the devil’s steps towards adultery. Beware that Satan is your enemy who wishes you evil so do not follow his steps.
Conclusion
The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: “A person is on the path of his intimate friend, so let each of you look carefully at whom he takes as an intimate friend.” Friendship is very important for us. It is fruitful if it is Halal. so, befriend your wife, your mother, your sister, your daughters and share feelings of love, care and affection. If every man fills this gap, no woman will search for a boyfriend. This is the true path for all humanity. Tell me about befriending yourself! 🙂
