Have you ever experienced to love or be loved before? Did you feel damaged out of love, and decided not to love again? Fortunately, you’re not alone, and here is the solution!
I know that drama distorted the noble meaning of love and compassion in two excessive ways. The first one is to convey love experience as pain, while the other is to convey it as mere happiness.
To illustrate, when I was in the college, I have studied many plays for Shakespeare and others. The conclusion I have reached, as a result of that, was that love is something for pain and suffering. So, why shall I love a man, have children, and then suffer? I decided not to love in order not to suffer.
On the other hand, when I was young I used to adore Hollywood love stories in cartoon. They deeply give me the impression that love is everything, and that it can solve every problem in my life. What I has to do, is to wait the prince who will come to love and marry me. To be frank, the idea itself is shallow. However, we become shocked in the reality not to find such dreams. Hence, more often we decided not to fall in love. It turns to be accompanied by duties and responsibilities. However, Hollywood doesn’t tell us that.
After that, I came closer to Islamic knowledge, and I know some facts that shock me. Also, after my close friends marriage, I became able to see the experience of love closer. Hence, I have changed my idea.
Let’s Go Rational with Love!
Let’s have an example for that. If I eat something that harms my stomach, is it true to say: I won’t eat again? It’s a painful experience! The same is here.
Love & Compassion: Balance Is the Secret
Islamic views represent balance in dealing with human problems. Allah (only One God) has created us, and know our needs. One of these needs is to love and marry.
Allah the Almighty says:
And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.” [Quran 30-21] (1)
Allah the Almighty knows that human in his all life phases, needs close people around him. As a result, He grants us families. Then, we grow older, and need to love a person from the other sex. So, Islam encourages marriage and reward those who marry!
Islam Encourages Love & Marriage
Islam encourages love & marriage as it’s one of your ways to enter paradise. Messenger Muhammad said:
…and in man’s sexual intercourse (with his wife) there is a Sadaqah (charity).” They (the Companions) said: “O Messenger of Allah, is there reward for him who satisfies his sexual need among us?” He said, “You see, if he were to satisfy it with something forbidden, would it not be a sin on his part? Similarly, if he were to satisfy it legally, he should be rewarded.” [Muslim] (2)
Also, he says:
There are three, all of whom have a promise of help from Allah: ‘The Mujahid who strives in the cause of Allah, the Mighty and Sublime; the man who gets married, seeking to keep himself chaste; and the slave who has a contract of manumission and wants to buy his freedom.” [Nasai] (3)
What about Women?
As for women, Messenger Muhammad says:
Any woman dies while her husband is pleased with her, she will enter Jannah.” [Riyad as-Salihin] (4)
Islam asks every husband and wife to respect each other. Ibn Abbas, one of Messengers companions and Muslim scholars said: “I love to beatify myself for my wife sake, as I love her to do the same for me.”
Have Children or Not?
Islam encourages people to have children. Allah told us that His Messengers had children. Indeed, Islam seeks to build unified families. For example, Messenger Muhammad says:
If anyone cares for three daughters, disciplines them, marries them, and does good to them, he will go to Paradise.” [Sunan Abi Dawud] (5)
Some may say: OK! I’ll marry. But I don’t like to have children. In fact, if we look from a materialistic point of view for the issue, we could agree totally. Why shall I get pregnant, distort my body and health, and experience pain?
As for men, why shall I see my wife experiencing pain, vomiting, or being distracted from me for another creature? Simply, if we want to practice parenting, we can come with a baby or even a toddler or a child from any charitable organization, and bring him up. In contrast, if we look to this life as just a test, we can easily accept responsibilities much easier.
God Oneness is The Core
Everything we do on this earth can turn to be a way to be close to Allah. We are here to bless our only One Creator. He will fully reward us in Hereafter. However, how Merciful He is to facilitate the test for us by encouraging us to do things we need to be able to continue our journey!
To conclude, I finally reached the fact that this life is not for feeling a mere joy. It’s mixed. Whether I get married or not, I will sometimes be happy while other time I won’t. If I want gain all the above-mentioned benefits of love and marriage, I should bear the whole responsibility. As long as we are still on earth, no gain without pain!
I can accept that because in Paradise I will live with my husband calmly without any disturbance or responsibility. I shall plant the good here to see its fruits there in Paradise.
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